Wednesday, January 12, 2011

picking a date

We have an actual date. It is going to happen next friday. My mom has decided to die next friday. It's weird but it gives some kind of rest with which i am a bit uncomfortable. We have decided this with our doctor. A very tall and nice man. It is so surreal to be sitting down and talking about this. He came at the house.  He was so relaxed and very understanding which i found very pleasant, he listened and patted my moms hand when she started crying. But he also said that he preferred it to happen on a day where he was not working so he didn't have to go an see other patients afterwards. I completely understand this of course, but it is so weird to speak about the moment after. The moment after my mom died. The moment after we watched her die. Is that a moment? Isn't that just complete nothingness? In that moment my world will stop and i don't know when it will start again. I am scared.

I am at my parents and i am sleeping in my old bedroom. I can hear my parents fussing around one floor below. I think i will go and sleep now.

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