Monday

Today is monday. Today i started to fix up my bathroom. Well bathroom is a big word for the square meter  with shower head and a little sink. It's been a complete dump for the three years i have been living in my apartment. It's one of these things that when you move in you'll push to the end of your lists of things to do and finally you can't even see how crap it is and you forget. But i mean seriously what can you do with a square meter?

Today i have decided it will be bathroom heaven. I will scrape, i will paint, i will put in an enormous shower head and it will be amazing! it will finally put my ever growing stack of interior design magazines to good use. oh and did i tell that today I backed a cake, cooked and folded my boyfriends loundry.

I feel so amazingly empty. So this is what i do but it all sucks you know. Today my mom said that she wanted to die in a couple of days. This is completely and utterly ridiculous. She said the end of the month! i didn't even digest the fact that it is really going to happen soon and now she wants to die in a couple of days! I told her NO. She has to give me and my sister more time.
We have this law in my country where someone is allowed to die when they want when they are seriously ill and their living standards are far beyond human. My mom is almost completely paralyzed, she can't talk (she communicates via a computer which she can command via a small klick systems in het hands), She is bed bound and breathing is very very hard is she has a lot of fluid in her longs and not enough strength to cough it up.

But besides all this she has a smile which can light up the room. She is still very much present, she is still commanding me to marry soon and start having babies because i am 28 and time is ticking. How can she just not be here anymore in a couple of days?